We’ve all been there. Everything feels like it’s falling apart, and suddenly even the simplest decisions seem impossible. Your usually clear-thinking mind turns into a jumble of competing priorities and mounting panic.

But here’s the thing: this isn’t a flaw, and it isn’t weakness. It’s your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do — just not in a way that helps when you’re facing modern challenges like deadlines, money worries, or supporting your child’s learning.

When Stress Takes the Wheel

As soon as stress kicks in, rational decision-making seems to vanish. You feel flustered, unable to see the logical next step. It doesn’t matter whether the problem is genuinely complex or has a simple solution — when stress is in charge, clarity takes a back seat.

Yet the moment calm returns, everything changes. Suddenly you can work through the steps methodically and find solutions with ease. This dramatic shift isn’t about ability or intelligence. It’s your brain’s built-in emergency system doing its job,  just not in the way you’d like it to do!

The Brain’s Emergency Protocol

When stress strikes, your brain switches to survival mode. The parts responsible for reasoning and problem-solving are overridden by the stress response system, which has one simple mission: make this problem disappear now.

This ancient mechanism kept our ancestors alive when facing immediate threats, but it doesn’t translate well to modern challenges. A reactive brain might help you dodge danger, but it’s less useful when dealing with school meetings, bills, or workplace pressures.

In this state, your brain isn’t looking for the best solution — only the fastest. That’s why stressed decision-making can feel scattered and why, afterwards, we wonder how we missed such obvious answers.

The Power of the Mental Queue

Here’s where a simple software concept can shift how you think about stress: the queue system.

Imagine a website under heavy traffic, with users clicking frantically when a page won’t load. Without proper management, the system crashes. With a queue, however, requests get organised and processed when resources become available.

Your brain needs the same approach. When demands pile up — whether it’s ten thousand responsibilities or just a busy school morning — trying to tackle them all at once will only crash the system.

The key is learning to delay reactions and “queue” problems until your brain has the capacity to process them properly. Stepping back, taking a pause, or consciously postponing a response gives your logical brain time to catch up.

Timing Is Everything

Stressful periods usually come in bursts. If you can resist reacting in the middle of a stress burst, you’ll be in a much better position to handle the problem appropriately once it passes.

Sometimes this looks like saying, “I hear you, and your concern is in my queue,” and then following up later when you can give it proper attention. The follow-through matters just as much as the pause — without it, trust breaks down and stress increases.

This approach is especially important with children. They simply don’t yet have the capacity to manage rapid-fire requests or multiple instructions at once. When too much comes at them too quickly, they easily slip into panic mode, becoming defensive or shutting down. Supporting them to focus on one task at a time helps them build confidence and calm.

The Trauma Factor

For people who have experienced trauma, the brain’s natural queuing system often doesn’t develop in the same way. Stress responses can be more intense, with the brain throwing “error messages” much sooner.

What might look like an overreaction often makes perfect sense when viewed through this lens. Understanding this can help us meet both ourselves and others with greater compassion when stress responses seem overwhelming or out of proportion.

Tools That Help Calm the Brain and Body

At Dyslexia Unpuzzled, one of the very first tools we use is designed to calm both the mind and the body — putting them in the right place for learning. It’s an incredibly powerful process. The moment of realisation that it’s safe to relax and be calm can be life-changing.

One client, after completing this exercise, told me he felt “the weight of the world lift off his shoulders.” Once clients are in that calm space, they can learn so much more effectively because they’re working with their brains and bodies in unison, not against them.

A simple technique I often teach in my sessions is box breathing. It’s a powerful way for both parents and children to step into calm before starting something like homework time. Just a few minutes of breathing with focus can help shift the brain out of stress mode and into a state where learning feels safer and easier.

It’s equally important for parents to practise to calm themselves before working with their children. When you feel steady, your child is more likely to follow your lead. If you’d like to try this, I’ve created a short video that demonstrates box breathing — you can watch it here: [insert YouTube link].

Practical Strategies for Better Mental Queuing

• Single-Task Focus: Prioritise completing one task at a time — for yourself and for children. Avoid multiple instructions or overload.

• Strategic Delays: Build in pause time between noticing a problem and responding to it. Even a few minutes can change the outcome.

• Follow-Through Systems: If you tell someone their concern is “in the queue,” make sure you have a reliable way of addressing it later. Broken promises add to stress.

• Burst Awareness: Learn to recognise when you’re in a stress burst and remind yourself it will pass.

• Workload Management: Find strategies that work with your brain’s natural rhythms instead of pushing against them.

The Transformation

When you learn to work with your brain’s natural patterns instead of against them, everything changes. The problems don’t necessarily shrink, but your capacity to handle them grows.

The next time you feel that familiar flood of overwhelm, remember the queue. Step back. Breathe. Organise your thoughts. Trust that when the stress burst passes, your problem-solving brain will be ready to take its turn.

And if you’re supporting a child with learning challenges, this is especially important. They need calm, steady guidance while they develop their own queuing systems — one task, one step at a time.

With the right strategies, both you and your child can move from panic mode to problem-solving mode. One step at a time really is enough.

Acknowledgement

This article was developed with input from my son, Carl Palamountain, whose insights about stress, problem-solving, and mental “queuing” helped shape many of the ideas shared here.

About Dyslexia UnpuzzledAt Dyslexia Unpuzzled, we specialise in helping children and families navigate learning challenges with clarity and confidence. Using evidence-based tools and personalised strategies, we focus on building calm, confidence, and practical skills that support both learning and wellbeing. Our approach combines professional expertise with compassion, ensuring every child is seen for their strengths as well as their struggles.

👉 To learn more or to book an Initial Meeting, visit dyslexiaunpuzzled.co.nz

We’ve all been there. Everything feels like it’s falling apart, and suddenly even the simplest decisions seem impossible. Your usually clear-thinking mind turns into a jumble of competing priorities and mounting panic.

But here’s the thing: this isn’t a flaw, and it isn’t weakness. It’s your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do — just not in a way that helps when you’re facing modern challenges like deadlines, money worries, or supporting your child’s learning.

When Stress Takes the Wheel

As soon as stress kicks in, rational decision-making seems to vanish. You feel flustered, unable to see the logical next step. It doesn’t matter whether the problem is genuinely complex or has a simple solution — when stress is in charge, clarity takes a back seat.

Yet the moment calm returns, everything changes. Suddenly you can work through the steps methodically and find solutions with ease. This dramatic shift isn’t about ability or intelligence. It’s your brain’s built-in emergency system doing its job,  just not in the way you’d like it to do!

The Brain’s Emergency Protocol

When stress strikes, your brain switches to survival mode. The parts responsible for reasoning and problem-solving are overridden by the stress response system, which has one simple mission: make this problem disappear now.

This ancient mechanism kept our ancestors alive when facing immediate threats, but it doesn’t translate well to modern challenges. A reactive brain might help you dodge danger, but it’s less useful when dealing with school meetings, bills, or workplace pressures.

In this state, your brain isn’t looking for the best solution — only the fastest. That’s why stressed decision-making can feel scattered and why, afterwards, we wonder how we missed such obvious answers.

The Power of the Mental Queue

Here’s where a simple software concept can shift how you think about stress: the queue system.

Imagine a website under heavy traffic, with users clicking frantically when a page won’t load. Without proper management, the system crashes. With a queue, however, requests get organised and processed when resources become available.

Your brain needs the same approach. When demands pile up — whether it’s ten thousand responsibilities or just a busy school morning — trying to tackle them all at once will only crash the system.

The key is learning to delay reactions and “queue” problems until your brain has the capacity to process them properly. Stepping back, taking a pause, or consciously postponing a response gives your logical brain time to catch up.

Timing Is Everything

Stressful periods usually come in bursts. If you can resist reacting in the middle of a stress burst, you’ll be in a much better position to handle the problem appropriately once it passes.

Sometimes this looks like saying, “I hear you, and your concern is in my queue,” and then following up later when you can give it proper attention. The follow-through matters just as much as the pause — without it, trust breaks down and stress increases.

This approach is especially important with children. They simply don’t yet have the capacity to manage rapid-fire requests or multiple instructions at once. When too much comes at them too quickly, they easily slip into panic mode, becoming defensive or shutting down. Supporting them to focus on one task at a time helps them build confidence and calm.

The Trauma Factor

For people who have experienced trauma, the brain’s natural queuing system often doesn’t develop in the same way. Stress responses can be more intense, with the brain throwing “error messages” much sooner.

What might look like an overreaction often makes perfect sense when viewed through this lens. Understanding this can help us meet both ourselves and others with greater compassion when stress responses seem overwhelming or out of proportion.

Tools That Help Calm the Brain and Body

At Dyslexia Unpuzzled, one of the very first tools we use is designed to calm both the mind and the body — putting them in the right place for learning. It’s an incredibly powerful process. The moment of realisation that it’s safe to relax and be calm can be life-changing.

One client, after completing this exercise, told me he felt “the weight of the world lift off his shoulders.” Once clients are in that calm space, they can learn so much more effectively because they’re working with their brains and bodies in unison, not against them.

A simple technique I often teach in my sessions is box breathing. It’s a powerful way for both parents and children to step into calm before starting something like homework time. Just a few minutes of breathing with focus can help shift the brain out of stress mode and into a state where learning feels safer and easier.

It’s equally important for parents to practise to calm themselves before working with their children. When you feel steady, your child is more likely to follow your lead. If you’d like to try this, I’ve created a short video that demonstrates box breathing — you can watch it here: [insert YouTube link].

Practical Strategies for Better Mental Queuing

• Single-Task Focus: Prioritise completing one task at a time — for yourself and for children. Avoid multiple instructions or overload.

• Strategic Delays: Build in pause time between noticing a problem and responding to it. Even a few minutes can change the outcome.

• Follow-Through Systems: If you tell someone their concern is “in the queue,” make sure you have a reliable way of addressing it later. Broken promises add to stress.

• Burst Awareness: Learn to recognise when you’re in a stress burst and remind yourself it will pass.

• Workload Management: Find strategies that work with your brain’s natural rhythms instead of pushing against them.

The Transformation

When you learn to work with your brain’s natural patterns instead of against them, everything changes. The problems don’t necessarily shrink, but your capacity to handle them grows.

The next time you feel that familiar flood of overwhelm, remember the queue. Step back. Breathe. Organise your thoughts. Trust that when the stress burst passes, your problem-solving brain will be ready to take its turn.

And if you’re supporting a child with learning challenges, this is especially important. They need calm, steady guidance while they develop their own queuing systems — one task, one step at a time.

With the right strategies, both you and your child can move from panic mode to problem-solving mode. One step at a time really is enough.

Acknowledgement

This article was developed with input from my son, Carl Palamountain, whose insights about stress, problem-solving, and mental “queuing” helped shape many of the ideas shared here.

About Dyslexia UnpuzzledAt Dyslexia Unpuzzled, we specialise in helping children and families navigate learning challenges with clarity and confidence. Using evidence-based tools and personalised strategies, we focus on building calm, confidence, and practical skills that support both learning and wellbeing. Our approach combines professional expertise with compassion, ensuring every child is seen for their strengths as well as their struggles.

👉 To learn more or to book an Initial Meeting, visit dyslexiaunpuzzled.co.nz

You’ve noticed your child is bright, but something’s not clicking with their reading, writing, or maths. You’re juggling meltdowns after school, homework battles, and that sinking feeling of “what am I missing?” The questions keep swirling: Where do I go for help? Do I need a diagnosis? Should I take them to the doctor? What reading program actually works?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Here’s a clear roadmap to help you figure out the next steps and find the support your child needs.

Start at School: Your First Port of Call
The best first step when you’re worried about your child’s learning is to talk with their teacher and, if possible, the school principal. Teachers often notice patterns in the classroom that you might not see at home, and your insights from home are just as valuable in building a full picture of what’s going on.

Recognising the Signs
Learning challenges can show up in lots of different ways—some are obvious, others more subtle. Here are some things to keep an eye on:

Academic and behavioural changes:

• Drop in grades or sudden struggles with homework

• Teachers raising concerns about focus or concentration

• Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities they used to enjoy

• Sudden irritability, mood swings, or meltdowns after school

• Refusing to read or complete homework, leading to battles at home

Physical signs:

• Changes in sleep patterns—sleeping too much or too little

• Frequent unexplained headaches or stomach aches

• Noticeable weight changes or new eating habits

• Even unexplained injuries, sometimes linked to self-harm

Subtle warning signs:

• Perfectionism: Anxiety over tiny mistakes, refusing anything less than perfect, or working to exhaustion

• Using humour as defence: The “class clown” act that hides academic struggles

• Task paralysis: Sitting frozen in front of a blank page, unable to start

• Technology changes: Becoming secretive with devices, staying online late, or sudden shifts in social media use

• Self-neglect: Always helping others while ignoring their own needs

• Physical stress responses: Frequent “sick days,” constant tiredness, or nervous habits like nail-biting, hair-twirling, or skin-picking

The most concerning red flags include:

• Negative self-talk: “I always mess up” or “Nothing ever goes right”

• Self-putdowns disguised as jokes

• Casual mentions of “not being around”

• Saying everything feels like “forever” or “never”

• Struggling to recall yesterday or imagine next week

• Losing enthusiasm for everything, not just one thing

• Extreme sensitivity to even gentle feedback

If you’re noticing several of these patterns, it’s important to take them seriously and raise them with the school.

Timing Your Approach
It’s usually fair to give the school a term or two to put support in place and see how it works. But if your child is refusing school, showing big anxiety around learning, or slipping further behind, don’t wait—those situations call for quicker action.

Do You Need a Medical Diagnosis?
Lots of parents wonder if they should go straight to the doctor. While doctors don’t usually diagnose dyslexia or dyscalculia, they can rule out things like hearing or vision issues that might affect learning.

For learning differences themselves, assessments usually happen through schools or specialist educational assessors rather than through medical professionals.

Sometimes the signs are subtle, which makes it hard to know what’s “normal” and what’s not. The key is to trust your gut—if you’re seeing ongoing struggles, especially with anxiety around schoolwork or any of the red flags above, it’s worth asking questions and exploring support options.

Working with Your School’s SENCO
The next step is often working with the school’s SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). Their job is to connect families with extra support and assessment options, and this can be where real help begins.

But if you feel like you’re not getting the answers or support your child needs through the school, looking into an external assessment can give you useful insights and strategies.

Understanding External Assessment Options

SPELD Services
Some families go through SPELD (Specific Learning Difficulties). You usually need to join their organisation first, and assessments cost around $700. The reports are detailed and full of information, which many families appreciate.

The challenge is that some parents find the reports overwhelming, and teachers don’t always have time to turn them into everyday classroom strategies. The quality is excellent, but it’s not always easy to put into practice.

Alternative Assessment Approaches
If the SENCO pathway doesn’t provide the support you need, other assessment options exist. Some practitioners offer assessments starting from about $250, depending on whether you want a full written report or more of a practical action plan.

Not all assessors can give an official dyslexia diagnosis—that usually needs a psychologist—but many focus directly on your child’s learning patterns. They can identify what your child knows, where they’re struggling, and what’s getting in the way of their confidence. These assessments usually cover reading, writing, spelling, maths, and self-regulation, then give you practical next steps that families and teachers can use straight away.

Real-World Results
The right support can be life-changing. One family told me about their child who cried daily because reading felt impossible. Once the assessment identified the gaps and gave them strategies that matched how their brain worked, the fear lifted. Within weeks, the child was reading fluently, confidence grew, and their teacher could see the progress.

Finding Effective Reading Programs
Parents often ask which reading programs actually work. It can feel overwhelming, especially since every school seems to use something different.

What matters most is finding an approach that matches how your child’s brain learns. For example, the Davis approach takes children through clear, structured steps that help make sense of words on the page. It gives them tools beyond just sounding out, memorising rules, or rote learning—which don’t work for everyone.

For many children, discovering the right method is the very first time reading feels possible—and that’s when confidence starts to bloom.

Your Path Forward
If you’re wondering where to begin, here’s your roadmap:

• Start with communication: Speak with your child’s teacher and the school SENCO

• If you need more support: Explore external assessments and specialist help

• Focus on fit: Choose strategies and programs that work with how your child’s brain learns

• Trust the process: With the right support, struggles with embarrassment and feelings of “not being good enough” don’t have to continue

The most important thing to remember is that learning challenges don’t reflect your child’s intelligence or potential. With the right understanding, support, and strategies tailored to their way of learning, every child can succeed and build confidence.

If you’re recognising these patterns in your child and you’re ready to explore the next steps, booking an initial consultation with a learning specialist can give you clarity and a clear plan forward. That understanding doesn’t just improve academic outcomes—it can transform your child’s whole relationship with learning.

Reading can be challenging for many people, especially when the words on the page feel overwhelming or difficult to focus on.

An interesting occurrence happened the other day as I was consulting with an 11-year-old boy (Max*) and his mum.

In classrooms across the world, children proudly recite their times tables, spell words in perfect sequence, and sing the alphabet song with confidence.

Learning challenges don't exist in isolation. They ripple through entire support networks, affecting colleagues, managers, families, and communities.

For years, I thought maybe I was just slow. Or not trying hard enough.

This isn’t about bad behaviour or kids being lazy. It’s overwhelm, anxiety, and learning systems that simply don’t fit every brain.

More Than Just Being Clumsy

Here’s why neurodiversity is more than inclusion. It’s innovation. I’ve seen first-hand how the right support transforms lives and businesses.

It all begins with an idea.

It all begins with an idea.

It all begins with an idea.