One Mum's Perspective on Gaming Boundaries
An interesting occurrence happened the other day as I was consulting with an 11-year-old boy (Max*) and his mum. As always with a consultation, there are many questions.
One of the questions was about gaming. Whether he gamed, and to what extent.
The very confident Max stated, plain as day, “I love gaming!” Nothing very startling about that response. It’s what I would have expected. However, it’s what happened next that really struck a chord with me.
“But I have to be really careful how much I do, ay Mum?”
Mum then chimed into the conversation and said loud and clear, “Oh yes!” She went on to explain that she had conducted her own very unscientific experiment. However, the results were conclusive enough for her.
The experiment was simple. She allowed Max as much gaming time as he wanted for three days straight. Max summed it up perfectly in his own words: “If I play too many games, I get angry at school.”
Mum continued: “He becomes rude, angry, argumentative and uncooperative. He starts to back-chat and becomes ‘smart’ with his answers in a derogatory way. His usual nine to ten hours of sleep are interrupted. When I asked him to put it away for the day, Max begged me for just a bit more.”
Kudos to Mum. After three days of this, she took a stand and said, “Put it away now or I take the power cord.” Thankfully, Max did as Mum asked. After an open discussion about the behaviour, they agreed on some rules which are now clearly in place and respected by all parties.
Win win.
My close friend and Neurocare Specialist Alex Rowbury from Alex Acupuncture once told me that devices such as gaming consoles, iPads and smartphones need to be really carefully monitored, especially with children, because the chemical responses in the brain are the same as if they were taking heroin. Just as addictive. A very scary fact indeed.
Understanding the Brain Chemistry Behind Gaming
While Alex’s comparison to heroin might sound extreme, the science backs up this concern.
Gaming triggers the release of dopamine, the same neurotransmitter involved in all addictive behaviours. When children play games, their brains receive intermittent rewards: points, levels, achievements - that create powerful dopamine surges. This is why Max couldn’t stop asking for just a bit more. His brain was literally craving the next hit.
The problem isn’t just the dopamine high. It’s the crash that follows. When gaming stops, dopamine levels plummet, leaving children feeling irritable, anxious and desperate to return to the screen.
This neurochemical rollercoaster explains Max’s behavioural changes perfectly. The anger, argumentativeness and sleep disruption were all symptoms of his brain struggling to regulate without constant digital stimulation.
The Ripple Effect: How Gaming Affects Everything Else
Max’s story illustrates how excessive gaming doesn’t stay contained to screen time. The behavioural changes spilled over into every aspect of his life. School performance, family relationships and sleep patterns.
This happens because gaming overstimulation affects the prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation and decision-making.
When this area is overwhelmed, children struggle to manage their emotions and behaviours in non-gaming situations. They may become more aggressive, less cooperative and find it harder to focus on activities that don’t provide the same level of stimulation as their games.
Warning Signs Every Parent Should Know
Through my consultations, I’ve identified several red flags that indicate gaming may be affecting a child’s behaviour:
Immediate behavioural changes such as increased irritability, aggression or defiance when asked to stop gaming or during non-gaming time
Sleep disruption including difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep or wanting to game late into the night
Social withdrawal, preferring gaming over face-to-face interactions with family and friends
Academic impact like declining grades, forgotten homework or difficulty concentrating at school
Physical symptoms such as headaches, eye strain or complaints of fatigue during non-screen activities
The “just a bit more” phenomenon, where there is persistent bargaining, begging or negotiating for extended gaming time
Creating Healthy Gaming Boundaries
Max’s mum discovered something crucial. Boundaries aren’t about eliminating gaming entirely. They’re about creating a healthy relationship with it. Here are evidence-based strategies that work:
Establish clear time limits. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than one to two hours of recreational screen time on weekdays for children over six, with more flexibility on weekends
Create gaming-free zones. Bedrooms and dining areas should remain screen-free to protect sleep and family time
Implement the earning system. Gaming time should be earned through completing responsibilities like homework, chores or physical activity
Practice co-viewing and co-playing. Engage with your child’s gaming interests rather than seeing them as purely negative. This builds connection and gives you insight into their digital world
Model healthy screen habits. Children learn more from what they observe than from what they’re told. Demonstrate balanced technology use in your own life
The Importance of Open Communication
What impressed me most about Max’s situation was the open dialogue between mother and son. Max could articulate how gaming affected his mood and behaviour, and his mum listened without judgment.
This kind of communication is essential for helping children develop self-awareness about their digital habits.
Rather than imposing rules from above, involve your children in creating family media agreements. When children understand the why behind boundaries and have input in creating them, they’re far more likely to stick to the plan.
Gaming Isn’t the Enemy
It’s important to note that gaming isn’t inherently harmful. Many games develop problem-solving skills, creativity and social connection. The key is moderation and awareness.
When gaming enhances a child’s life rather than dominating it, it can be a positive force.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all screen time. It’s to ensure it doesn’t interfere with sleep, relationships, physical activity and real-world responsibilities. Max’s story shows us that with proper boundaries and awareness, children can enjoy gaming while maintaining their emotional well-being and behavioural health.
A Call to Action for Parents
If you’re concerned about your child’s gaming habits, start with honest observation. Keep a log for a week noting gaming time, behavioural changes and sleep patterns. Look for correlations between excessive gaming and behavioural issues.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. Like Max’s mum, you may need to experiment with different approaches to find what works for your family. The key is consistency, communication and a willingness to adjust boundaries as needed.
Most importantly, don’t wait for problems to escalate. Proactive boundary-setting is far easier than reactive damage control. Your child’s developing brain depends on you to help them navigate the digital world safely.
What stood out the most in this whole interaction? Max’s awareness. At just 11, he could identify the link between his gaming and his behaviour. That’s gold.
What if we gave more kids that same opportunity — not just to follow rules, but to understand how their behaviour connects to what’s going on inside?
That’s when real change happens.
Max’s story reminds us that with awareness, communication and appropriate boundaries, we can help our children harness the benefits of technology while protecting their mental health and behavioural well-being.
The investment in these conversations and boundaries today will pay dividends for years to come.
*Names changed for privacy
Thanks for reading. If you’re working with a child who’s struggling, or you’re seeing changes in behaviour that don’t make sense on the surface, I’d love to help you unpack what’s really going on underneath.
