November 9, 2025
You've been told to read with your child every night. It's in every parenting guide, every school newsletter, every well-meaning piece of advice from teachers and relatives. But no one tells you what to do when it ends in tears.
When your child's face crumples at the sight of a book. When they suddenly need the bathroom, or their stomach hurts, or they'd rather do absolutely anything else. When the simple act of reading together—something that's supposed to be warm and bonding—leaves both of you exhausted and discouraged.
If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important: this isn't about motivation, and it's not about refusing to try.
When a child shuts down or becomes distressed the moment you open a book, it's often because their brain is genuinely overwhelmed. For children with dyslexia or other learning differences, reading can feel like trying to decode a message while someone's flashing lights in their eyes and playing loud music. It's cognitively exhausting in a way that's hard for neurotypical readers to imagine.
The good news? There are gentle, research-backed ways to make reading time feel safer, calmer, and more connected—even when your child is struggling.
Shift #1: Separate Reading to Them from Reading by Them
Here's the first thing to understand: your child's relationship with stories doesn't have to depend on their ability to decode text.
Many parents instinctively know this when their children are toddlers—we read aloud to them for years before they can read themselves. But once a child reaches school age, there's enormous pressure to make every reading session a “practice” session. The joy gets replaced by performance anxiety.
Try this instead: Create two completely separate types of reading time:
Story time (no pressure): You read aloud. Your child just listens, looks at pictures, asks questions. This is purely about enjoying stories together. Audiobooks count here too—let your child follow along in the physical book or simply listen while drawing or doing a quiet activity.
Practice time (kept very short): Five to ten minutes maximum where your child practises their reading skills. Use the techniques in Shifts #2 and #3 to make this feel manageable.
The separation is crucial. When your child knows that most of their interaction with books doesn’t require them to perform, stories can become a source of comfort rather than stress. They continue to develop vocabulary, comprehension, and a love of narrative—all of which support reading development—without the constant pressure of decoding.
Shift #2: Let Them Choose Their Hard
Children with reading difficulties often feel like they have no control. Everything about reading feels hard, and adults are constantly pushing them toward challenges they didn’t choose.
Try this instead: Offer genuine choices within the practice session:
“Would you like to read two pages tonight or three sentences?”
“Would you like to read the dialogue in the speech bubbles while I read the rest, or take turns with the pages?”
“Should we tackle a new book tonight or reread one you already know and love?”
Notice these aren’t fake choices. You’re not saying, “Do you want to read now or after dinner?” when reading is non-negotiable either way. You’re giving real control over how the reading happens.
When children choose their challenge level, they’re more likely to engage. They’re also learning to assess their own capacity—a crucial metacognitive skill. Some days they’ll surprise you by choosing the harder option. Other days they need the easier path, and that’s okay too.
Advanced version: For children who are particularly resistant, try “challenge sampling.” Read most of the book yourself, but mark two or three sentences or short passages with sticky notes. Let your child choose which one they’ll try. Knowing there’s a defined, limited challenge can make it feel less overwhelming than facing a whole page or chapter.
Shift #3: Make Success Visible
Children with reading difficulties often can’t see their own progress. They notice how much easier it is for their classmates, how much faster their siblings read. The daily grind of practice feels pointless when they can’t perceive improvement.
Try this instead: Create concrete, visual evidence of success:
Reading passport: Each time you read together, stamp or sticker a page. Don’t track pages read or minutes spent—just that reading happened. The focus is on consistency and showing up, not performance.
“Used to be” list: Keep a running list of words, books, or skills that “used to be hard but aren’t anymore.” Even small wins matter: “Used to be you found ‘the’ tricky, now you spot it every time.”
Reread favourites: Choose one beloved book (even if it’s “too easy”) that you reread monthly. Your child will naturally read it more fluently each time, providing a crystal-clear demonstration of progress.
Record and compare: Once a month, record your child reading a short passage. Don’t listen immediately—wait three or four months, then play the old recording followed by a new one. The difference is often dramatic and deeply encouraging.
The key is making progress tangible. Abstract praise (“You’re working so hard!”) doesn’t land the same way as concrete evidence (“Listen to how you read this page in September compared to now”).
The Bigger Picture: You’re Not Just Teaching Reading
If reading time currently ends in tears, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing. Like you should be doing more, trying harder, pushing through.
But here’s what matters most: your child’s relationship with learning.
If every reading session becomes a battle, you risk teaching your child that learning is something to be endured, that asking for help leads to frustration, and that they’re somehow deficient. These lessons go far deeper than phonics.
The shifts I’ve shared—separating story time from practice, offering genuine choices, and making progress visible—are designed to do more than improve reading skills. They’re designed to preserve your child’s sense of capability, to show them that struggling doesn’t mean failing, and to keep the door open for learning that happens when they feel safe.
Reading might always be harder for your child than for their peers. That’s the reality of dyslexia and other learning differences. But hard doesn’t have to mean miserable. With the right approach, you can create reading experiences where your child feels supported rather than judged, challenged rather than overwhelmed.
And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply close the book, take a breath together, and remember: you’re on the same team.
If your child continues to struggle significantly with reading despite interventions, consider requesting an educational evaluation. Early identification of dyslexia and other learning differences can open doors to appropriate support and accommodations that make a profound difference.
If this sounds familiar, I can help. Book an Initial Meeting or grab my free guide, Discover the Secrets to Stress-Free Reading. You’ll get simple, practical tools to make learning calmer at home and a clear plan for what to do next.
Written by Nikki Palamountain Specialist Dyslexia and Neurodiversity Consultant | Davis℠ Facilitator | Dyslexia Unpuzzled | Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand
Nikki helps children, teens, adults, and families understand how their brains learn best. Using the internationally recognised Davis℠ methods, she provides hands-on, strengths-based strategies that empower individuals to overcome learning barriers and build confidence for life.
Want to learn more?
Visit www.dyslexiaunpuzzled.co.nz to explore how personalised support can help make learning feel calmer and more achievable.