December 21, 2025

Ever watched your child sit through an end-of-year assembly, waiting hopefully to hear their name… only for the awards to go to everyone else? It’s a moment that stays with you.

As we head into the New Year, I’ve been thinking a lot about those final assemblies. The certificates. The cups and trophies. The acknowledgements for progress, effort or achievement. The proud smiles from children who hear their names called.

And then there are the others.

The kids who tried so hard all year, sitting quietly, hoping this might finally be their moment. Parents watching from the back, knowing exactly how much effort went in at home. And then feeling that familiar ache when their child’s name isn’t called. Again.

I think of one family I know well. One sibling scooped multiple awards at the end-of-year assembly. The other came home empty handed again.

Same home. Same parents. Same encouragement. Very different experiences.

And the child who missed out didn’t lack effort. What they lacked was a system that could recognise how hard they were trying.

These moments land heavily. Not because children expect awards, but because they see their siblings or mates being recognised while they remain unseen. For a child already battling frustration with reading, writing or maths, the message feels painfully clear: “Everyone else is moving ahead… why aren’t I?”

And that’s where the quiet heartbreak begins.

The frustration children try to hide

By December, many kids are tired. But children who struggle with learning carry a deeper kind of exhaustion.

It’s the weight of comparison. The sting of watching their friends progress. The embarrassment of knowing things aren’t clicking the way they should.

They are often the children who:

• laugh off their disappointment

• shrug and pretend they don’t care

• get silly to hide the discomfort

• try desperately not to be seen struggling

• pull away from friends who seem ahead

None of this is because they are not trying. None of this is because they don’t care. And absolutely none of this is because they are not capable.

It’s because they have been comparing their effort to everyone else’s results for a very long time, and they have no idea why the gap exists.

What’s really going on when a child can’t keep up

Parents often ask me, “Is it confidence? Motivation? Do they need to focus more?”

It’s none of those things.

Here’s the part most families never get told:

The issue isn’t effort. It’s confusion.

Children who struggle with literacy or numeracy are often dealing with:

• unstable visual perception where words shift, letters reverse and lines jump, and children often have no idea this isn’t how everyone else sees the page • difficulty interpreting and retaining multiple instructions • a brain working overtime to make sense of what others see instantly • a classroom pace they can’t keep up with • daily frustration they can’t quite put into words

When you are battling this quietly every single day, confidence doesn’t just dip. It collapses.

And then the end-of-year assembly shines a spotlight on the very thing they have been trying so hard to hide.

Why award season hits so hard

The final weeks of school bring everything to the surface. Lists of achievements. Public recognition. Children compared side by side.

For a child who has worked twice as hard for half the progress, these moments confirm their worst fear:

“I’m behind.” “I’m not good enough.” “There’s something wrong with me.”

And parents feel that too. Not because you expect your child to win awards, but because you know how hard the year has been for them, and how deeply they long to be seen.

This emotional load is enormous. And this is where the school holidays become something more than just a break.

Why the holidays can be a turning point

When school stops, comparison stops.

The pace slows. The pressure finally eases. The constant measuring against classmates and levels quietly fades into the background.

And a remarkable thing begins to happen:

A child who has felt behind finally gets space to breathe.

This breathing room allows something essential to return:

• curiosity • playfulness • confidence • connection • the sense of “I’m good at things”

None of this requires worksheets or catch-up sessions. It requires joy.

And joy rebuilds confidence faster than any drill ever could.

Families often tell me their child seems lighter over the holidays. More themselves. Less guarded. More willing to try things they enjoy.

This isn’t regression. This is recovery.

What parents can do right now

Here are simple, powerful ways to support your child this week:

1. Give them permission to rest. A tired brain can’t learn well. A rested one can.

2. Lean into what they love. Confidence grows fastest in familiar joy.

3. Avoid talking about next year’s reading levels or goals. Comparison shuts confidence down.

4. Do things side by side. Walking, baking, crafting, playing. Connection repairs what pressure breaks.

5. Remember this: There is always a reason your child is struggling. And it is never their intelligence.

A final thought for parents

If your child ended the year without the recognition they hoped for, it doesn’t mean they haven’t worked hard. It doesn’t mean they aren’t capable. And it certainly doesn’t predict where they’ll be next year.

It simply means their way of learning hasn’t been understood yet.

Sometimes the most powerful progress begins the moment school ends, comparison stops, and a child finally gets the space to feel good about themselves again.

About the Author

Nikki Palamountain is the founder of Dyslexia Unpuzzled and a specialist consultant supporting people with dyslexia, ADHD and dyscalculia. She works with children, teenagers and adults who have tried hard at school but have been left feeling confused, overlooked or not quite good enough.

Nikki’s mission is simple. To help people understand their true intelligence and discover that there was never anything wrong with them. They were simply taught in a way that did not match how their brain works.

Through her highly individualised one to one programmes, Nikki provides clear, strengths based, hands on learning that builds real understanding and lasting confidence. She works closely with families and supports people so learning does not stop at the session door, but continues calmly and successfully at home, school and beyond.

Check out her website: dyslexiaunpuzzled.co.nz for more information