November 2, 2025
Is your ADHD child constantly in trouble at school? Here's what's really happening in the classroom—and what you can do about it.
The phone rings. Again. It's the school. Your child disrupted class, couldn't sit still, talked out of turn, or didn't follow instructions. The teacher sounds frustrated. The other kids are calling your child annoying. And your child comes home defeated, again.
If this is your reality, you need to understand something crucial: your child isn't being difficult. They're having difficulty. And the difference between those two things changes everything.
What Teachers Don't See
When a teacher sees a child who can't sit still, interrupts constantly, or seems to ignore instructions, it looks like a choice. It looks like bad behavior that could be fixed with more discipline or effort.
But here's what's actually happening inside an ADHD brain:
Their impulse control isn't functioning properly. The thought "I should raise my hand" appears at the exact same moment as the words leave their mouth. There's no pause button. The filtering system that says "wait your turn" simply doesn't activate quickly enough.
Their movement isn't optional. Sitting still for an ADHD child can feel like you trying to hold your breath underwater. The discomfort builds and builds until movement becomes physically necessary. They're not choosing to fidget—they're managing overwhelming sensory input.
Instructions disappear. You tell them three things to do. By the time they start the first task, the other two have evaporated from their working memory. It's not defiance. It's a genuine neurological difference in how their brain holds and processes information.
Time doesn't exist the same way. "Five more minutes" means nothing. "Wait until after lunch" might as well be next year. Their sense of time passing is genuinely different, making waiting feel impossibly long.
The Crushing Reality for the Child
While teachers see disruption and other children see annoyance, here's what your child experiences every single day:
They walk into class wanting to do well. They genuinely want to follow the rules, make friends, and make you proud. But within minutes, they've already been corrected three times for things they didn't even realize they were doing.
By morning tea, they've been told to sit still, stop talking, pay attention, and focus—sometimes dozens of times. Each correction chips away at their sense of being "good enough."
At lunch, other children avoid them or complain about them. "You're so annoying." "Why can't you just be normal?" "I don't want you on my team." The social rejection cuts deep.
By the end of the day, they've used every ounce of energy trying to control impulses that won't be controlled, sit still when their body screams to move, and remember things their brain won't hold. They come home and completely fall apart.
This isn't a behavior problem. This is a child in distress.
Why "Try Harder" Doesn't Work
The most damaging response to ADHD is "they just need to try harder" or "they need more discipline." Here's why that approach fails:
ADHD is a neurological difference in executive function—the brain's management system. Telling an ADHD child to "just focus" is like telling someone with poor eyesight to "just see better." No amount of effort fixes the underlying issue.
In fact, when ADHD children try to mask their symptoms and "be good," they often experience:
Extreme exhaustion from constant self-monitoring
Increased anxiety and stress
Complete shutdowns or meltdowns after school
Growing sense of shame and inadequacy
The harder they try using strategies that don't fit their brain, the worse they feel about themselves.
What Actually Helps: Practical Strategies for Parents
1. Change how you talk about it at home
Stop using words like "bad behavior" or "naughty." That's not what's happening.
Instead, try: "Your brain is brilliant at creative thinking and it just makes sitting still feel impossible." or "I see how hard you're trying. Your brain works differently, and that's not your fault."
When your child understands that their struggles aren't because something's wrong with them, they can stop seeing themselves as the problem. They stop seeing themselves as the problem.
2. Create structure that works for ADHD
Use visual schedules and timers
Break tasks into tiny, manageable chunks
Build in movement breaks (even 2 minutes makes a difference)
Use fidget tools that don't distract others
Create consistent routines with clear expectations
3. Focus on their strengths ADHD brains often excel at creative thinking, problem-solving, hyperfocus on interests, and high energy. Celebrate these. Let them see their ADHD as different, not defective.
4. Communicate differently with school Don't wait for phone calls. Request a meeting with the teacher and explain: "My child isn't choosing to disrupt class. They have genuine difficulty with impulse control and need support, not just consequences."
What to Request from School
Reasonable accommodations might include:
Preferential seating (front of class, away from distractions)
Movement breaks or a wobble cushion
Visual cues for transitions and instructions
Extra time for tasks
Written instructions alongside verbal ones
A "safe person" they can check in with when overwhelmed
If the school isn't responsive:
Request a meeting with the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator)
Document absolutely everything!! Every phone call, every incident
Ask about formal support plans
Consider an outside assessment to clarify needs
When to Seek Additional Help
If your child is experiencing any of these, don't wait:
School refusal or extreme anxiety about school
Increasingly negative self-talk ("I'm stupid," "I'm bad")
Social isolation or friendship difficulties
Physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches before school)
Complete shutdowns or aggressive meltdowns
An assessment can clarify what support your child needs and give you documentation that strengthens your advocacy at school. While schools aren't legally required to implement all recommendations, they must work with you to provide appropriate support. This isn't about labelling—it's about understanding what your child needs to succeed."
In NZ, schools have a duty to provide appropriate support for students with additional needs, but they have flexibility in HOW they do it. They don't have to follow private assessment recommendations exactly, but they should have good reasons if they don't.
The Bottom Line
Your child isn't annoying. They're struggling with a brain that processes the world differently in an environment designed for neurotypical children.
They're not choosing to disrupt class, they're working harder than anyone realises just to get through each day. And when we finally understand what's really happening and provide support that fits how their brain works, everything can change.
The constant phone calls can decrease. The social rejection can ease. And most importantly, your child can start to see themselves as capable instead of constantly failing.
Your child isn't the problem. The lack of understanding is. And that's something you can help change.
ADHD children labelled "annoying" aren't choosing to be difficult. They're having difficulty with genuine neurological differences in impulse control, movement regulation, and working memory. They need understanding and appropriate support, not more discipline.
If this sounds familiar, I can help. Book an Initial Meeting and we'll work out what's happening and what support your child actually needs. You'll get practical strategies to make learning calmer at home and a clear plan for what to do next.
About the Author
Written by Nikki Palamountain Specialist Dyslexia and Neurodiversity Consultant | Davis℠ Facilitator | Dyslexia Unpuzzled | Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand dyslexiaunpuzzled.co.nz
Nikki helps children, teens, adults, and families understand how their brains learn best. Using the internationally recognised Davis℠ methods, she provides hands-on, strengths-based strategies that empower individuals to overcome learning barriers and build confidence for life.